Funny Analogies

This post has nothing to do with graphic design, but it does have to do with another thing I like a whole lot: words. I saw a link to the 25 Funniest Analogies on Tim Challies' blog and I was chuckling to myself as I read. A few are rather crude, so you can decide if you want to read them all. But I thought I'd post a few favorites here.

Funny Analogies

• Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
• He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
• The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
• From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
• The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
• Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
• John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
• Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. 
• The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
• He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
• He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

If you took the time to read some or all of these, I hope you were amused. I certainly was! I'd love to hear if you have a favorite funny analogy. Or try your hand at making up one of your own in the comments section!